


Butt of the Joke

by masserect



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Frottage, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Nerve-Stim Pro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 15:26:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masserect/pseuds/masserect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard walks in on Tali doing some squats. He sets out to distract her. Fill for the <a href="http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/">ME Kink Meme</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Butt of the Joke

It was not a big gym, or a well equipped one, but it had the basics. Weights and a sandbag, and a collapsible treadmill folded up against the wall. It didn't see much use, which was not a drawback as far as Shepard was concerned. It let him focus on beating the stuffing out of the sandbag, occasionally literally, although someone had apparently reinforced it with Kevlar since last time.

He was inclined to take that as a personal challenge.

It was to his dismay that he found the light over the door turned on, indicating the room was occupied, but he only had so much time to himself. He'd have to put up with it.

Any dismay or thoughts about sandbags, however, disappeared in an instant once the door slid open and he found an unexpected figure in black and purple by the weights, a barbell firmly clutched behind her shoulders. 

As he watched, the lithe figure gracefully sank into a deep squat, then, with a groan, straightened up.

His towel slipped from his hand and floated soundlessly to the floor. He barely noticed.

Smooth, rubber-clad legs bent and straightened. Bent, and straightened. She was facing away from him, seemingly unaware of his presence. Her boots lay a bit to the side, giving him a perfect view of the curves of her legs, and they might as well have been naked, the way her envirosuit clung to her. All he could do was gape at the sight in front of him. The lines of her legs, her wide hips, her narrow waist, and - of course - her ass, the shapeliest, firmest little ass in Citadel space. Even through her suit, he could see it working as she moved, pushing out every time she squatted down.

Tali sank low, then rose again, letting out a low grunt as she straightened, and stopped, turning her head.

"Are you going to stand there all day, or are you coming in?" Her tone was light and dry, with a definite sarcastic undertone.

"Uh." Fuck, his mouth was dry. "I... didn't know you used the gym," he croaked, bending quickly to pick up his towel, but without taking his eyes off the quarian.

"Sometimes." She sounded a little friendlier now. "I don't want to-" She sank low again, and his gaze dropped, fixed on that perfect posterior. His coverall pants were tenting in front, his cock achingly hard. He folded his hands in front of him, trying to cover it with the towel.

"Don't want to get left behind," Tali groaned as she straightened up again. 

"No one's leaving your behind," he objected, vaguely aware that it wasn't quite the right thing to say, but too distracted to identify what was wrong with it.

Tali looked over her shoulder again and arched her back, lazily rolling her hips in a circle, just once. "Thanks," she said, before sinking into the next deep squat. Slightly off balance. She let out a startled noise and rocked back and forth, trying to regain her balance.

He stared until it was almost too late, but finally managed to grasp the barbell and steady her just before she seemed about to topple.

"Thanks," she repeated, smiling - he had become quite good at picking such things out from her voice - before she began to rise again.

Still holding on to the metal bar, it seemed natural to follow her up - at least until both stood upright. 

To her credit, Tali didn't seem surprised. She just remained standing, as if she were oblivious to the hard length pressing in between her buttocks.

Just when he was about to apologize, she began to work her ass against his erection, muscles clenching and relaxing, as if she was trying to pull him deeper.

"Why, Commander," she said, her tone once more light and dry, "did you see something you liked?"

" _Uh._ "

Goddammit, he was Commander Motherfucking Shepard. The last person in the galaxy who should be 'uh'-ing, drooling and staring like a lovestruck schoolboy at the sight of a hot chick! But having his dick massaged between the firmest buttocks in the known universe did nowhere near as much to promote thinking as it did staring and drooling.

"You weren't going to fall at all, were you?" he accused.

Tali stopped for a moment, then began to roll her hips in circles instead. The sensation was every bit as distracting as before.

"Maybe," she said. 

Then she began to sink into another squat, pulling the bar from his grasp, and her ass from his cock. 

He waited - quite patiently, he thought - for her to rise again, then wrapped his hands around her waist.

"You know," he said, in his best 'Commander Shepard is cool and collected and in charge' voice, "I was just going to beat on the sandbag for a while, but I can think of other ways to get some exercise." Yeah, that was the ticket. No one could withstand the Cool Collected Commander voice. Except -

He wasn't quite sure how she did it, but Tali slipped from his grasp, taking just one step away. "Please, commander. I need to finish this workout and return to Engineering before someone loses a spanner in the drive core. Again."

Still with that light, dry tone. She was fucking with him. He'd suspected it before, but there could be no doubt now.

Well. More than one person could play _that_ game.

His omnitool flared to life and he frowned as he tried to remember the path names. 

` _ run /usr/personal/appdata/temp/documents/messages/spam/trashbin/ns/nervestimpro.exe  _ `

With Tali still facing away from him, he allowed himself a wide, toothy grin before he hit enter.

Tali stiffened and let out a startled noise as the program loaded, but he didn't give her time to do more. It wasn't the first time he'd used it - it was a lot easier and safer than waiting for her to fill up on antibiotics and peeling her out of the suit, as fun as that may be.

Fingers dancing inside the omnitool, he selected the tongue tool and brought up the application interface - a small 3D model of her body, every movement transmitted in realtime.

Still grinning, he pressed the tool against the model's left leg and began to stroke it slowly. The sensation was accurate, she had assured him - and so her body was suddenly firmly convinced that someone was slowly, gently licking the sensitive skin on her inner thigh, as though the form-fitting rubber suit weren't even there.

The model wobbled a little, perfectly mirroring Tali's body.

"Ooh," she moaned, straightening carefully and resuming her position, "you clever bosh'tet."

His grin felt as though it threatened to split his face in two. "I thought you were in a hurry," he said, doing his best to keep the amusement from his voice. 

Tali grumbled, but drew a deep breath and resumed her exercise.

Down. The tongue took the opportunity to slide up, across her crotch and down the other thigh. Tali gasped, but remained steady as she rose.

Still grinning, Shepard set the 'tongue' to auto-pilot, allowing it to move randomly about, but never leave its immediate area. Then he zoomed in on the model, changing focus to its chest. 

Just as he had expected, Tali's nipples were hard. His mouth watered at the sight, even as a semitransparent orange omni-display. 

Well, he might not be able to touch them personally, but he could at least make her _feel_ as though he were.

The mouth tool was easy to find. It was a little more complicated to use, requiring a finger for each lip, but it was quite intuitive. He gently pinched one of the little buds on the model. 

Tali shuddered, nearly stumbling as she sank into her next squat. Shepard bit his lip in an attempt not to laugh. He had never met another woman with nipples as sensitive as Tali's, and her reactions were always amazing. Gently he tugged at her, and Tali whimpered at the sensation of a hot, wet mouth suckling her breast.

Now for the other one, he thought, and locked the stimulator to autopilot. Now where was that menu...

Tali yelped when he found it and pressed a new tool against her other nipple. Ice. Cold and wet, complete with the sensation of melting and cold water trickling down her skin.

"That's not _fair_ ," Tali objected, trembling; the barbell almost fell from her hands, and she brought it down in front of her, leaning on it as she shakily rose. Her voice came out a thin whimper. If he strained his ears, he could hear her panting, a slight rasping noise from the speakers.

"It's not as if you couldn't override it," he said. Or revoke his access. Or kick him in the balls if he did something she _really_ disapproved of.

His finger circled, spiralling the sensation of the ice cube across her breast. Tali trembled. 

It just wasn't enough. A flick of a switch, and the sensations changed places, the lips switching to warm her 'cold' nipple while the ice circled the other.

Tali bent forward, leaning heavily on the barbell, and let out a deep, unsteady moan.

It was a moment's work to set everything to autopilot, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight against his chest.

"Having fun?" he asked, leaning in to mumble into her ear - or rather, where the helmet covered an ear. There was no reply, just another shudder. It took an effort not to start rubbing his cock against her ass.

"You wanna come, Tali?"

Tali's shoulders heaved as she panted, and he grunted in surprise as he felt her lift a leg and, moments later, stomp down on his toes.

"Just... Just _do it_ , you bosh'tet!" Her voice was shrill and hoarse with desire, he could hear it even through the speakers.

He smirked. "Not until you ask me nicely."

Tali remained silent for a few moments. Then she stomped on his foot again.

"I will hack that aquarium to launch live fish at you while you _sleep_!"

He couldn't help but laugh. "That'll do," he said, and pressed a kiss to her neck, even knowing she'd barely feel it through the suit. He quickly switched the program off, and slid his left hand up to Tali's breasts, the right hand down between her thighs, and began to massage her through the rubber.

Tali seemed to melt in his arms, limply leaning back, barely holding on to the barbell in front of her.

"Oh," she moaned. "Oh. Oh. _Ooh._ "

It didn't take long for her hips to begin moving, rocking her sex against his fingers - and her ass against his cock. He grit his teeth - it wouldn't take long for her to get off, but it wouldn't take long for _him_ , either.

Tali moaned, dropping the barbell, and reached back, one hand latching on to a shoulder, the other curling around the back of his neck, pulling them harder against each other. He tightened his grip, too, trying his best to pinch and tweak her clit and nipples through the resilient rubber.

Even though he felt as though he was fumbling like a teenager on his first date, Tali was too close to notice, or care. She rose on her toes, shoulders pressing hard against his chest. She shook and whimpered in his arms, hands shaking as she clung to him, hips shaking, grinding hard against his cock and fingers.

The sounds and sensation were so enthralling, he barely even noticed when his own hips began to move, sliding his cock up and down the cleft between her buttocks.

As Tali's orgasm abated, her last little shudders and whimpers set him off, too, and he tightened his grip even further as he came, soaking through his pants and coating the taut rubber in slippery fluid.

.

Tali had replaced the barbell on the stand, and stolen his towel to wipe any traces of the event from her ass. He couldn't quite tell what she was thinking - not that there was anything unusual about that.

"You gotta admit, that was more fun than lifting junk," he said, after he had caught his breath. Tali muttered something, tugging at herself to adjust the envirosuit. He caught something along the lines of _stupid bosh'tet_ and _thinks he's so clever_ , but once she had everything in order, she stepped up and ran a hand over his chest.

"It was," she said, and she was definitely smiling now. He leaned in to kiss the top of her helmet, but she was already heading for the door.

"Oh," she said as it slid open, "you may want to cover the wet spot before you head back."

He looked down just as the door shut behind her. Oh yeah, there was a wet spot, all right. A big one. And Tali had stolen his towel.

He swore as he plucked off his shirt and tied it around his waist, obscuring the mess.

"Edi."

"Yes, Commander?" 

"Don't leave a single fucking datalog."

"Acknowledged. Initiating operation Delete Fucking Everything."

He chuckled. "Thanks. And as for Joker and Miranda's personal copies-"

"Standard procedure?"

"Standard procedure." The mental image of Miranda's expression when she tried to go over the security logs only to get elcor pornography instead was one of his biggest joys in life. 

As he headed back to his cabin, he noticed that his suit-link access still hadn't been revoked.

The next few days, he decided, were going to be _fun_.


End file.
